A Mommy's Ramblings

Find me now...I moved

2008-09-30T17:27:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should print this stuff.

You can now find me at Borderline bonkers.

That play date.

2007-11-02T15:02:00.000-07:00

Remember that play date that we went on earlier this week, the one I said was interesting? Well I have been trying to work it out in my mind because I don' t want to be too negative and was worried if this person ever read my blog that I would offend her. I hope she doesn't. I won't tell her I have one. I will wing it and be honest, so it will just come out as it does.
This all started a few weeks ago when I saw a girl with two small children walking in our area. She looked young and her kids looked to be similar in age to mine. It is not often that I see kids as close as mine and I have never met some one with two similar in age to mine. So after seeing this girl out walking and thinking I should stop and say 'hi' a few times I finally decided to.

From the experiences I have had over the last few years when I put myself out there and meet new people it has gone really well and I have developed new friendships.

So I pulled into the parking lot and introduced myself. She seemed nice and we chatted for a few minutes. She had also recently moved here from AB and knows no one. We exchanged phone numbers and arranged for a play date at her house for the following day.

She has no drivers licence so she has to walk everywhere, thus the reason for the date at her place. I thought this was strange but hey, some people don't drive, right?

The following day I received 3 calls to make sure I was still coming and at what time and to warn me that her two year old can be violent, yadda, yadda. OK, I figured she must be pretty lonely to call so much, within a 2 hour window. I was getting a little freaked about the violent part and was concocting ways to get out or rescue my children if it came to that, but off we went.

I had such high hopes for a new friend, regular play dates and someone like me close by to hang out with. Why do I build things up in my mind so much, it is like I destine myself for a fall.
As we entered her house we where nearly smothered in smoke. She smokes in her home all day to the point where the windows are hazy and there is that waffling trail swirling endlessly in the corners near the ceiling, and there are these two beautiful little girls living in this!

Now I don't care if someones smokes, it is totally your choice, but to to it around kids and keep them in a house like that is just wrong! Makes me sick, actually I did feel sick, I just wanted to turn and run, but thought we could maybe manage a few minutes and just spend the rest of the day outside airing our lungs out.

The date did not go well. Her kids were cute, no violence, quiet and did I say cute? They were super cute! However my kids sat on my lap the whole time and just stared at the mom. She was so loud and obnoxious, very opinionated and stubborn, hates everybody in her life who tries to help her or give advice -- except her husband, who is 35 (she is 21) and he still live in AB and comes to see her and the kids every 12 days.

They moved out here for him to start a new job and it didn't pan out so he left them here and went back. I asked if he was looking for work here but she said that was the weird part, he was looking everywhere but here. Odd. She said they are super in love. This is strange.

Turns out the house is a rental and they have no furniture, playpens for the kids as beds and a daybed is the only living room furniture. Now I know some people are poor and just can't afford much but sometimes it is just a matter of priorities. She said he makes tons of money and if he does have the job she says he does then he certainly should be bring home serious cash. So I asked if they planned on buying a house since I know the market is still getting hotter and rent is pretty high.
She said, "well he did own a few houses but gave then to ex-girlfriends, I am his wife, you would think I would get one, whatever!"

Oh, boy, what kind of a mess is this! And it gets worse, she only has a grade 9 education, so if he does for some reason really split on her she won't even be able to support her kids. I wanted to cry. My heart was breaking, I wanted to rescue her. There is far more to her story that makes it sad, sad, sad. Her childhood and raising contribute a lot to who she is now and I really fear for her little family.

How do you help someone in a situation like this? I could go on and on about if, there is just so much that is wrong with it. But I think I probably already said too much.
Dave told me I should run the other direction and not look back because she will drain me. I agree with him ,but I also feel that I met her for a reason. My heart really hurts!
I will stick to going to the mall or park for walk dates and not have her over, she seems pretty shady, sad to say.
How do you help someone who won't listen?
Seriously any advice, bring it on!!!

Whoot

2007-10-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and support. I so need to vent sometimes and it seems to flow better when I type, so thank you for bearing with me!
I am feeling better, maybe because it is sunny out today or maybe it is because I painted last night. No, I think it is a combination.
As much as I have really enjoyed this fall it still affected my mood. We just don't get out as much when it is soggy and windy and that seems to be the stage of fall we have entered. The summer like warm days with the crisp leaves have gone and now is the stage I think I have never liked. Smelly, rotten, soggy leaves, tons of moths and frost bitten everything.
Today is sunny though so I shall venture out with the kiddos and maybe find some geese to feed at the park or something.
All I know is that I am not feeling kerfuddled today. Oh, I think that getting the house cleaned up so I could paint guilt free was a huge part.
Now off to paint a project with the tots.

Later gator!

I think I am making progress...

2007-10-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know where I am going with this post, expect a long windy one. It is a -get it sorted out of my head-venty one.

So I am still having this dilemma. Though I think I am making some headway into figuring it out. I am feeling the need to buck the main stream. I have never considered myself mainstream, yet somehow I feel as though I have been lost in it. From the way I live and what I wear to what I have in my house. I seem to have this desire to please others and try to pick things things that I think others would like, not what I like. It is what Dave likes though, and I like to make him happy.

Therefore we have a mainstream house. All matchy, not that it is not nice, there just aren't a lot of unique pieces. I don't want to be cookie cutter. It is cozy though and I like that feel.
I am glad that I don't live in a new area of town with cookie cutter box houses like we used to in St. Albert AB.

Not that I don't miss it, nice big garage off the front of the house, big driveway, quiet crescent, nice neighbors. And we did have an open concept, vaulted ceilings house, maybe that is why I liked it. But I don't want it again. It was nice and new feeling, but lacked that lived in cozy warm character feeling. No big trees in the yard, no history in the walls or mouldings, no squeaky floor boards, or drafty windows, actually now that I really think of it, it did have some squeaks.
OK, now why do I like this old character home I am in now?
Good question!

There are bugs, old funny smells and drafts and leaks. But somehow it feels more loved and homey, maybe it is the wood burning fireplace. However, I am still in this crisis.
Do you ever watch worlds most extreme homes (click here) on HGTV?
I want to live in a weird home....I think. Well, so far anyway, on this road to rediscovery I think that is what I want.

Now you wonder about my poor husband and how does he fit into all this? He is perfectly fine with cookie cutter, really likes it actually. And all our normal stuff in the house, he loves, that is why we got it! He could actually do with a lot less of it.
He would really like to move to a house with a garage again and last night brought up the discussion.
He said "Anna, is this our 15 year house?"

Now that I think of it, it could be but with the tiny yard and no garage, I know it really isn't. I love the area though and it's proximity to the park and the character and trees. I hope we can find another house in the area. Maybe a 1950's contemporary, though Dave hates hates the flat roofs. We'll find the compromise, I hope.

But....then there is also this.
I read an article in the paper by Lynda Reeves this weekend. I really don't like her show, but she does have these moments where I get her. This weekends article hit home. She was writing about being a designer and the Canadian misconception that bigger is always better. She used to think that way too, till she was in an argument with a former mate and he said he was happy with their smaller space. She then opened a fortune cookie that read "A small house can hold just as much happiness as a big one."

I realize it is what you do with the space that you have and how functional you make it.
So the issue is not finding a bigger house but the most functional one. This house we are in is very functional for me. There are a few changes I would like to make to make it more functional, but I really cannot complain. For Dave it is lacking. No garage. This is a big issue for a guy who loved to putz in his domain and now has a shed. With his big ladder rack on his truck and all his work equipment and a snowy winter approaching I totally understand his desire for an indoor space for all his stuff.

I guess a move is required.
I hate moving.

So I want to focus on working on this space till we find the perfect house.
I am hoping that finding the perfect house will solve my issues in this crisis, but I wont hold out hope because just the looking process stresses me out to no end.
I just want the perfect place plopped down in front of me.

Kerfuddled in my head

2007-10-11T23:20:00.000-07:00

I don't really know where or how to start this. I really wanted to think it through before I wrote, but I think that this is how I will hash it out.
I feel like I am having an identity crisis. Like I have somehow lost who I am or am in a crossroad and don't know which way to go...or maybe it is that I have too much swirling in my head and not enough time to get my creative release.
Maybe I need to go on a painting spree, it has been a while.
Maybe I need a new wild hair style with crazy colors again, though every time I do that it gets old fast.
Maybe we need to buy an acreage so I can roam free and have inspiration at every turn.
Maybe I just need to get out for a drink with a friend once in a while.
Maybe I need a new wardrobe, though with my sense of style right now I would probably end up looking like a fashion smash up.
Maybe I need o take ti-chi.
Maybe we need to settle into a church.
Maybe I need a tattoo.
Maybe I need a cool retro chair.
Maybe I need to paint the house or just get a new one.
MAybe it is this house that is making me all jittery.
Maybe if I get to the bottom of my never ending pile of Mt. Washmore I will find the answer.
Yes that is three masive piles, at least 8 more loads to go!

Somehow I am feeling a little squirly, like I need a vacation. No more dishes, no making the bed, sweeping, mopping or swishing toilets, and no more laundry. Laying on a beach with an easel and paint brush sounds really good right now.
Tonight I am really feeling this antsyness so I thought painting might help and dragged out 5 canvases to prep for a few of the painting's kicking around in my head. I was too antsy to even get finished one.
What is up with me?!
Is it being a mom and at home all day every day with my kids?
Maybe I just don't have the support system I think I need. Dave is great, and he is my best friend, but seeing an old friend when we were back in Edmonton over the weekend made me realize how much I miss having a group of friends around me who really get me and can tell me to shut up and put me in my place when I step out of line, and who I can do the same with.

Maybe it is just PMS.
I feel sorry for those around me when I go through this. I am afraid I am a little short and more self centered, not that I try to be, I am just trying to sort things out in my head so I am a little quieter that's all.
Then I had a moment this evening as I was chopping potatoes for supper. One of those defining moments, the ones that kinda smack you in the face.
As I was chopping I looked over at the kids. Kaitlyn in the jumperoo bouncing away, chattering to herself and Ethan in the jolly jumper trying to communicate with her as best he could.
I started to cry.
This is what I always wanted. To be a wife and mother, caring for and nurturing my family. I felt at peace, I know I am where I need to be at this moment. I laughed and started to chatter and sing to the kids who instantly chattered back happily.
I love being a mom. It is the greatest responsibility and yet satisfying thing I have ever done. I wouldn't give it up for the world, I love my little munchkins more than I can ever put to words, motherhood is amazing.
However maybe it is that I feel like somehow I have been lost in it, like it is what defines me......how can this be a problem when it is what I always wanted?
I do not feel like I am getting any of the things done I want to do for myself.
Minor renos, scrapbooking, sewing, reupholstering, gardening, painting, reading, working out....just a few things I don't put much time into and that I used to enjoy as creative releases.
Not that I am not doing any of these thing.
Blogging has become my scrapbooking for now.
I sew the odd item such as pillows for Kaitlyn's dolls.
I paint walls and occasionally a canvas.
Reading, now that is a luxury. I read the odd parenting chapter in a book, or magazine or website. No fun stuff.
Gardening this year consisted of an herb pot. tonight for supper we had store bought frozen green beans for the first time in 3 years. Gross! No comparison to our old garden beans.
Over the last few days Kaitlyn and I have been painting a map for her and Ethan's cars. That sums up my creative releases, they are family focused, like I always dreamed.

I don't get me right now! Why this squirly feeling? I got 4 loads of laundry done, and thought that would help. Nope.
Is this normal?
Am I just being self centered and need a kick in the butt or do other moms go through this, and if they do how do they get past it or deal with it?

Excuses

2007-10-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

So, I know it has been a while. Guess I have been busy. Well sorta, I have really been avoiding this blog. It has become a bit of an accountability spot for me and I have not been doing so great. The whole flylady thing did not work out for me. Sure I think it is a great idea, if you get more than 2 hours of sleep and have older kids. With the nights I have had over the last few weeks and the mornings to follow I have been a walking zombie and the house has fallen apart.
I wish my kids would sleep!!!!

Even just a good nap, together, would help me through the day.
Since we got back from Edmonton they have been a little better but last week did me in. I needed a break and going away for a bit of a holiday was good.

I know it didn't help that the kids and Dave got Impetigo and had to be on meds. I have still to catch up with all the laundry left in the impetigo wake. Everything must be washed, sheets and clothes and blankets and towels, any thing that may have been touched with the infected area.

My laundry pile before we left was 9 feet long and 3 feet high. I am less than half way through and have yet to add everything from our trip to it. I know I could just go to a laundromat and get it all done at once, but that would require an insane amount of effort to pack it all up and haul it all down and then entertain the kids at the same time...ya, it is out of the question!

I need a fairy laundry lady to come and spend a few days around the clock to catch up. Oh it is not the in and out of the wash or the sorting in to lights, mediums or darks that gets me down, it is all the folding and putting away.

So........On our way home from Edmonton Dave and I discussed options.

One would be to hire help in the form of a cleaning team, the other option would be to have someone watch the kids so I can get stuff done.

I like option # 2 better since I like to have things done my way and having the break from the kids is good for my brain, well what is left of it.

It seems that with the minimal amounts of sleep that I have been getting (max one 2 hr stretch every night) that I am burning a lot of cells and I fear that they are not regenerating, I sure am not feeling very smart lately! There seems to come a point where you just crash, emotionally, physically and mentally.

Maybe this is why I have felt like I am having an identity crisis.
Now that is another post all together! When I have time (ha, ha) and feel like I have figured that one out I'll write about it.

Yipee

2007-09-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

Hope this doesn't jinx me, but since my cousin was in town and inspired me, I have tried my dangedest to keep my kitchen clean, baby steps right. Well it has now been two weeks and I have done it!! Clean clean clean! No dishes to do in the morning, just a clean load to unload. What a great feeling. I have also been organizing and creating a place for everything in the kids rooms. This way when I tell them to put something away there is somewhere for it to go. Smart huh?!
This is part of my quest to conquer the clutter. It is coming along slowly, but it is looking great. I will take pics and update asap.Good night!

A book review

2007-09-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

I recently read a book---ya I know, I actually read a book. I haven't really done that since the kids were born, it actually felt really good to read something, thought I must admit in this case it wasn't exactly a great read.
So here is what I thought of 'The Pampered Child Syndrome'.
To start off I found it very interesting. It went through all the different parenting styles and the way children turn out as a result of each style. I found things I wanted to change about myself and things that I want to watch for in the future, but most of it was common sense.

If you put any thought into it you could come up with the outcome yourself. However it was insightful because I have not had the time or brain juice to think that deeply into the subject.

Now the only complaint I really have with the book, and the reason I kept reading, was I was looking for the magical solutions chapter. I kept hoping as I started the next chapter that it was going to fill me in on how to avoid and fix some of the problems created by the different parenting styles. But it gave more info for teachers how to deal with the parents and the kids in the classroom than strategies to help readjust your child to non-pamperedness.
So overall I was disappointed, it seems to beg for a sequel, so much was unsaid.

However it did remind me to keep my eyes open to watching my behavior and how I am forming my children by my actions or lack thereof.

A sweet and productive visit

2007-08-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

I have been re-inspired! I have been so on the wagon off the wagon it is pathetic.

I get the house clean and vow to stick on top of it then something interrupts my little schedule I have created and I fall apart.

With my cousin Kim (click for her blog) in town for the last week she has been helping me see how little steps and proper planning go a long way. I need to have a place for everything and get rid of the things that I don't need or have a proper place. One other thing she said that is sticking in my head is that the things that come into your house must earn their way in....she is so smart. She had been following along with Flylady for a while now and it is amazing how it had made her life and her family's better. I long for the peace of mind that having an organized home and plan would bring!

Tonight she came over to help me get cleaned up from the past week...since I fell off the wagon, as per usual since there was a hic-up in my little daily schedule---what semblance of a daily schedule I think I have.

We accomplished a lot, well I think a lot. I did laundry---three loads, and she did my dishes, washed my floor and cleaned my bathroom, and helped me change the sheets on our bed! She is amazing! I cannot believe I let her do all that work while on vacation and so very pregnant. What if she had gone into labour and it was all my fault, her husband would never forgive me!!!

Anyway, I guess what I want to say is thank you Kim, I love you and just want you to know how much you have helped me, not only getting chores done but also inspiring me to see things in a better light, and clearer! You have such a sweet spirit, the love of God just shines through you and it is so beautiful!

I only hope I can really change my old habits and form new ones that stick so I can be so organized and on top of things that I can scrapbook again. Something I will only let myself do as a reward once my life is in perfect---or almost perfect order. Hmmm, never mind that...I think perfect is, well a little unrealistic.
I guess I should say I have adapted a clear schedule and am abiding by it. That is the goal.

blegh

2007-08-08T00:58:00.000-07:00

So remember how I was so excited about getting on top of the housework. Well, I seem to have a tough time with it, I am like a roller coaster. Maybe it is my artsy fartsy distracted brain, but the whole weekend went to schmuck....again. Dishes piled up for a couple days on the counter and getting the most basic of housework done was sooo hard. I was dragging. Sorry bout these lamo posts, I just haven't had much to write about over here. I think of things during the day and then when I sit down, whoosh, gone.

Back on!

2007-07-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

OK, so after giving my self a swift kick in the arse and boxing my own ears I am back at it. I tackled the mess and kicked it's butt!!!! The kitchen is sparkling, bathroom glistening, beds made, floors washed and carpets vacuumed. Dining room table got windexed, mail sorted, shoes straightened...I could go on, I am a machine today!!!! Oh, and did I mention I did it all in an hour, ha, I am sooooo patting myself on the back! This is my reward, a big blog break, and I hope to read all the ones on my blogroll too.
Then I am off to get prettied up and wear my new heals and go out to dinner. I love the feeling of getting caught up.
Dave had the day off and the kids both had naps at the same time so I have to thank him for the help with the kids or it would have taken me all day to accomplish what I did. So no I am not a super-mom on top of it all. When I manage to get it all done with the kids hanging off my legs I will tell you I am a super-mom, but till then, nope, not at all, just a mean, not quite lean cleaning machine!

Ouch!

2007-07-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

I have two days worth of dishes sitting on my counter, I completely fell off the flylady wagon, I need help! Not shining a sink tonight, hope I get it together in the morning! Seems if I stray from my daily schedule I get all out of whack, now all I can think of is all the fun things I would rather be doing and am doing in avoidance!
Naughty me!

Kaitlyn's closet

2007-07-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

Kaitlyn's closet had deteriorated to a sorry embarrassing mess and every time I had thought to clean it she was sleeping in her room and it would get put off. So finally I made it a priority.
I thought I would use a second bar to organize her dresses better and then she could pick one and dress herself. Bad idea!! She hid behind it, pulled dresses down, changed a few times and then pulled down the bar by trying to hang from it.
So instead her dresses are all squeezed onto the top bar but are organized by colour
and I hung her purses (my old purses) on nails underneath.

Now for my night.....out!!!!! I had a night out without the kids or Dave!

Pretty in Pink picked me up and we went to Rock Creek tap and grill for a girls only dinner and drinks. I wish I had taken the camera, we both looked so hot---and felt it too considering it was almost 40 degrees C out there! the food was great, I had the Bang bang chicken and shrimp, soooo yummy! And Pip had the Roasted veg quesadilla, something I will have to try cause it looked super delish too! Go to their menu to check em out. Anyway it was such a fun time. We got to know each other better, shared life and family stories and discussed raising kids. Something that I find overwhelms me with such a huge sense of responsibility. I want to be the best mom I can and not screw up my kids! It is such a huge job and I only get one chance and I sure hope I get it right!
Anyway it was a really nice break, I felt like I talked and interrupted way too much, (sorry pip) it was just so great to talk to another adult, really talk, with no diaper changes, wiping of little hands and faces or shushing or coloring. I even had to borrow one of Kaitlyn's purses to take with me since I have lugged the diaper backpack with me everywhere for the last 2 yrs!
Pip, thank you soooo much for getting me out!

Meet mrs Fly!

2007-07-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

Well today was a productive day. I finally had the fire lit under my butt and got it in gear! Thank you Kim!!!!! She sent me the link to Fly Lady ( I had heard of it before, but never read the site) yesterday and it got me back in the grove and cleaning places and organizing things I would never have gotten around to otherwise.
I woke up today and hit the day Flying! Got dressed, made coffee, dressed the kids, had breakfast, unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded it, cleaned all surfaces of the kitchen and under the sink, purged and organized, even dealt with a hidden pile of misc stuff.
Then I moved on to the front entrance, washed the doors, walls, and handles and put crap away. Next on my list was the dining room, my catch all of mail, papers and whatever comes into the house. All cleaned up and put away. Then the living room got straightened and the bathroom too! Finally, lunch and a reward to myself of checking my e-mail.
Then it was off with the computer and outside with the kids.
Naps did not come easily and the afternoon was not smooth, I recleaned the living room at least 3 times and never got to vacuuming. Oh well, I was happy with my accomplishments for the day. I would love to plan tomorrow and polish and dust everything I missed today, but I know how planning goes here, so I will fly by the seat of my pants and try to squeak in as many 15 min power cleans here and there as possible, a dint in the dive is still a dint and the dints add up to a pretty nice clean house, yee ha, I am blogging almost guilt free.

My big oops of the day was when I found out that a load of laundry has been sitting in the washing machine for at least 4 days. I thought Dave had taken care of it and he thought I did...so laundry is once again my enemy. This is when I wish for main floor laundry again, so I can see it and don't have to wait for the kids to sleep to sneak off the basement and do a load. I used to hate main floor laundry. We had it right outside the bedrooms in a closet in the hall of our old house. Hearing it, and having piles of sorted stuff ready to wash on the floor of the hall drove me nuts. Now I understand how it keeps you on top of the situation and is sooooo convenient!

Nap, sweet nap....eventually.

2007-07-06T17:09:00.000-07:00

So I have been perplexed about nap time. It seems every day when both kids get fussy it is such a battle to get them down. It's not that they don't want to sleep, they keep each other up.
I plop one in front of the TV and take the other to put down in bed, just as one is about to drift off the other starts to cry, and both are up and fussy again. I end up nursing them together to calm them down and we try the whole thing over again only with the opposite child, same thing....sometimes it takes 2 hours to get them down for naps and by that time all my grand cleaning plans are thrown out the window because I need a nap too. There has got to be a better way!!!
It is not like this every day-thank goodness. Sometimes Ethan is tired before Kaitlyn and goes down without her caring for attention and some days it is the other way around. Those days are great, but the days they are on the same schedule, aaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkk!!!!!

Bubble bath - miracle cleaner

2007-06-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

So here's the deal, I have been trying to get the house clean, really clean, organize every last crany and even do some purging. This is so hard, I just never catch up! One room gets destroyed by the kids as I try to keep a step ahead.

The floor in the bathroom got done tonight, not on the list for tonight but when a little girl takes off her easy-up and steps in poo and walks around the bathroom you kinda get forced into an alternate schedule. I think I will now got back and do the toilet and tub, might as well get that room out of the way for the week.

I used to use Scrub Free or Scum Free (something like that)and other similar products to clean the tub but when I got pregos I couldn't stomach all the chemically stench and was afraid of the fumes so I switched to Avon bubble bath, (this is a must click just to see all the uses) and it is so awesome I will never go back to the stinky stuff.

The bonus is that it can be used to clean a load of other things, and it works really well! Now the thing for me is that if it works so well on cleaning all this stained stuff why would I want to use it to bathe----what the heck is in it, I am afraid it will melt off my skin or something!

Dave and I used to clean the lab I worked in for some extra cash on the side. Over a few years we tried tons of different cleaners and commercial products to get a streak free shine to the floors, turned out that Avon delivered with the bubble bath and we could choose the scent we liked (mmmm, peach was yummy). Anyway, for the tub I just love it and I don't worry about chemical residue for my babes baths, and nasty smells!

Ahh, I just inspired myself, so much for the rest of this post, it will have to wait, I am off to clean the bathroom!

Oh, Yea!

2007-06-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

I had to post this pic here since Dave hates feet and it would gross him out if it were on the family site (he doesn't come here)

Anyway...I was so excited that I got the chance to do my nails, really do my nails, remove the old six layers and even add a little bling! I took time for me, so I just had to share(brag) it!!

So it's been a while...

2007-06-21T00:28:00.001-07:00

I have been meaning to do a post here for a while but I have been trying to plug through a book as well and it has taken priority. The book is The Pampered Child Syndrome by Dr. Maggie Mamen. Yikes, makes me wonder if these kiddo's have a fighting chance. If you have a kid or are planning to have one, read this book! It is a must read! I will fill you in on all my discoveries once I have finished it. So far though I know we have a few things to work on around here so we don't have pampered demanding teenagers someday, pray for me, this parenting thing is so huge!!!!

Did you notice the new surroundings on this page? What do you think? It is aways a work in progress and there is also a new one in the works for the family site, someday when I get more time it will show up.

I need a massage!!!!

2007-06-13T23:41:00.000-07:00

There has got to be a better way. The backpack is killing my back and shoulders. Maybe I will just double diaper the kids when I go out and spare myself some pain.

Shade your eyes!!

2007-06-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ya, I know totally gross. But that is what my belly looked like after babe#2. After Kaitlyn my belly was totally fine so when stretch marks started to show with Ethan I was so sad. I used the Palmer's coco butter belly cream throughout the pregnancy and for the first 6 months after. It faded the stretch marks really well but my stomach was still as wrinkly as an elephant's butt. I went to the baby expo in April and there was an Arbonne booth. (click to view)

with a few before and after photos on display and I thought they were amazing and didn't really believe it but thought that it wouldn't hurt to try it, any improvement would be good. I have been really happy with the results and am going to keep using it and hope it keeps getting better. So to all you moms with droopy skin, this really has been working for me. It is bloody expensive but worth it and still way cheaper than a tummy tuck!!

My miracle cream.

Part #3 of the mommy rant.

2007-05-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

Such a great point PIP! The social side is so important too. I hope that I get my kids out on playdates enough that they are not behind when it comes to their social lives. I know Kaitlyn hangs with her Auntie Em enough that I am not worried. The independent skill is something I am not worried about, I think that it is something that will develop when it needs to. I developed mine when I went to kindergarten and it only took a day. My sister Em was home schooled so it was longer for her but at the age of six she broke out of that safe little bubble and is as interactive as the next kid. It was just her time and she wasn't forced into it because society said she needed to do it at a certain age.

I have heard that the social and independent skills need to be developed at a young age or the part of the brain that hold those functions loses it's connection and it is too late. What that age is I am not sure, I have heard age 3 as well as 7-9, so if someone knows for sure I would love it if you could let me know!

Emotional growth and development is the most important in the first two years says the author of the book Why Love Matters and this opens the pathways for proper development socially.

Ack, How are my kids ever going to survive! I love hearing what you all think , it keeps my mind going and helps me to see the broader picture. Seeing things from new angles is great! Thank you for the awesome comments!!! Keep it up.

Battle in my mind, SAHM vs. Career mom

2007-05-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

This post will drag, it has been heavy on my heart and I feel I just didn't say it all in the last post. I am a very passionate person so this is an emotional write for me. First off I want to say to all my friends who chose to work with their kids in a child-care of one type or another, that I still love you and I know that the decisions that you made were well thought out and are what works best for you. I still love you and do not judge you, I respect your decisions.

Well...here goes again... I have been thinking about this job I now have as a professional stay at home mom and the more thougt I have put into it the more important I have realized it is. In Ann's comment on the last post she mentioned that some moms just aren't cut out to be SAHM's. I do agree, absolutely!!! When there is alcohol abuse, physical abuse, drug abuse, or other forms of abuse or neglect in the home it is definitely better for the child to be elsewhere. But I still feel very strongly that in most cases it is better for the child if the mother(of father) is at home.
When I was a kid I grew up next to a daycare and the owner was a great lady, I loved to go over there and play with the kids. However, every morning there were kids crying for their mom's when dropped off and they would cry when it was time to leave because they wanted to stay.

Over the last few years I have been paying huge attention to the behavioral differences in children in day-care and those at home. My general observation (of course there are exceptions) is that the children that are in day-care are rowdier, louder and rougher, more demanding and fussier than those at home with their mom's day to day.
I have heard mom's say that it is the quality over quantity and it is making the most of the time you have with your child. However, a child does not understand that concept. They understand when their mom is there and when she is not.

Danielle Crittenden makes an excellent observation in What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us — that quality time with kids can’t be scheduled into a day.
Children want a mother’s presence, the knowledge that she will be there when they have a question or a story to tell — but quite often they simply want her to do her own work while they color and play with pals. And those memorable times — their first steps and words, their profound utterances of child wisdom, the moments of belly laughing together — happen at the most unexpected times during day-in, day-out living. The chances are much higher that a mother will miss out on them if she is working outside the home.

A mother's life is about sacrifices, giving up certain things for the sake of greater long—term benefits. Sacrificing what you want to do for yourself to be a mom to your children is hard but the rewards are huge. I know there could be times of financial strain in my marriage. I know I might encounter tension with the majority of my married female peers because of my choice to stay at home. I’m not saying that I’m going to derive pleasure from changing diapers and cleaning up puddles but I know that I am a huge part of my children's lives and it is a small stage so I try to enjoy every part of it. I will probably miss those little things someday. It is only by sacrifice that we understand what true love, commitment and maturity really mean. Being a mother forces you to look outside yourself to the needs of others.

I want my children to know that they are as important to me as a career and put them first rather than the career, which can wait till they are in school or grown. I would be selfish to leave them to be raised by a system for my own self gratification.

I do think that a nanny or day home are better than a day care centre, but none of them replace a mommy. It all comes down to who you want to raise your kids and who you want to be there for them when they experience all the little day to day things that help them grow.
I want my children to reap the benefits of having a full-time mom, one who is available for conversation, hugs and laughs and cries any time of day.
I want to give that gift to my children. If it means I don't get to drive a loaded pearl finish with the gold package Lincoln Navigator(drool) but instead my 7 yr old Durango and shop at thrift stores and Walmart for the next 5-10yrs, so be it. Children don't know the difference between Goodwill and GUESS. I certainly didn't. If those are some of the small sacrifices I have to make to stay home with my kids they are totally worth it!!!!

Now the big question is, do all these children turn out the same in the end once they are grown, or is that even a factor? Is it the here and now and living in the moment with your child that matters? What is the outcome? Am I way out of line in how I see this? Do Dr.Phil, Dr. Dobson and other conservative family psycologists have it all wrong when they say a mommy at home is best?
I really would like to see this whole thing through the eyes of a working mom and see how she thinks it affects her child and their growth and development.
I know I rambled on again. So ya, I am guessing I have formed even more enemies, I really am puting it all out ther aren't I!? Remember theses are just my opinions.

Work to mothering, a rant rose out of this.

2007-05-22T19:15:00.001-07:00

Warning, you may hate me by he time you finnish this, but I had to get it off my chest.

Sometimes I really miss work. I miss seeing new faces every day. I miss Scott pestering me and Ryan's debates. I miss breathing down Scott's neck as I inspected his work and watching him get so good at his job that he now is probably better than I was. I miss sitting by the big window eating my lunch watching people in the parking lot and ranting at the Soccer Maniac below us. I miss working with Alicia cuz she giggled all the time and kept us all cheerful and Ann, she made yummy treats. I even miss that horribly annoying garbage bag sales rep who never seemed to know when to leave. I also miss the work, I really loved what I did, there were new challenges every day and that kept it interesting, even the days I had to solder over and over, I actually kinda miss them. I do have to say however I do not miss the dentists! I will leave it at that.

The days that were slow in the summer and we made jewelry rather than teeth were fun and lazy and we usually got to go home around noon. It there were a trophy for the best employer I would give it to Ryan in a heart beat, he was always sensitive to the little peoples (me) needs and he payed really well!!! He encouraged when the days were rough and praised when they were great, bought lunches just because and had BBQ's to show us he appreciated us. I could go on and on...did you know I made Dave's wedding band there? I did, and it is made with palladium dental grade alloy. So when he lost it those two times you can understand how we were freaking out!

Anyway as much as I miss work I wouldn't trade it for even a day. I have horrible days here and I long for simple times (like at the lab) but when it comes down to it this is where I am meant to be. This being a stay at home mommy for my two little weeds is my job now and even thought the pay is nonexistent and the hours are seriously crummy and coffee breaks don't ever happen, the rewards are priceless and more fulfilling than having a 10 unit bridge fit on the first try. Let me tell you that is impressive!! Knowing that I am responsible for the growth and nurturing of these wee ones is a huge and somewhat overwhelming thought, but this is the path we've chosen and I hope and pray that I can live up to my expectations as a mother and turn out decent children. Some days I think it would be so much easier to have gone back to work and put the kids in a daycare, actually I know that that is the easy way, except for the heart strings. For those moms who want to be home but have no choice but to work to keep alive my hat is off to you! For those of you moms who go back to work to support a life style, your kids well being is more important than money. Downsize and be there for your kids, you only have to take a few years off and next thing you know they will be in school and you can go back to work.

Those first few years are the most pivotal in your child's life and they are soaking everything up like a sponge. Either it is you who they learn from or a stranger. If you have family help with your child I would say it is the same as you doing it if they have the same values as you. But having a daycare raise your child when you could be there, you will miss so much and a daycare worker will be forming the character foundation for your child.
Don't miss the first few years, the most formative years with your child for cash. Be there instead! It is hard and you will wish you could take even one 15 minute break a day or buy those super hot chic shoes, but the 'pay' is so much better and hot shoes can wait!!!

Once again for those moms who have no choice but to work, I admire you and hope if I ever am in that situation I am strong enough to pull through. My heart would break but there must be food on the table at the end of the day.

OK my rant is done, if you made it this far and still like me you are a true friend. If you hate me I understand, I expected to make a few enemies. Anyway, these are just my opinions, please don't take offence, I still like all of you.

A big step!!!

2007-05-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

OK so nobody played along, I can cope, pout.
On with the next post.
Big news!!! Kaitlyn has been sleeping on her own the last couple of weeks now. It is strange and I didn't expect it at all, but I have heard that kids that co-sleep will eventually make the change to their own bed when they are ready. If you push it it could be a nightmare, so I was planning to try a slow adaption, a few hours at a time till she was ready. Turns out that one night she decided she was a big girl and that was it.
I think it also really helped that when Emily sleeps over she sleeps in Kaitlyn's bed and so to Kaitlyn it is so cool since the coolest chic in the world sleeps there. So every night and for every nap its "Emily, Emily, bed, Emily" and off she goes with her "bankt" to have "nurse, num, nite-nite." She still wakes a few times through the night and wants to nurse, so I lay with her on her bed and nurse or cuddle till she drifts off again.
The only problem so far has been that she is waking up at 5:30 every morning because the sunlight is streaming though her window. Blackout blinds are a must! I end up hauling her into our bed then and she is yelling "no, Emily, Emily" because she doesn't want to leave her room. But I am too tired so I nurse and cuddle her back to sleep for a few hours in our bed. I am loving the space I now get to stretch out into but I do miss cuddling all night. I do have little "Eth" in our bed still and I cuddle him, but now I don't have one on either side, well I guess I have one little one and one really big one, wink, wink.

I'm Sanguine, what are you?

2007-05-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

I took a personality test recommended by Superbeck, check out the results here and then take it yourself. Once you have taken it leave a comment and link to let me know so I can see your personality too. Tee, hee it is a fun way to get to know your friends better. Just focus on the strengths and don't read the weaknesses.

Seven quirky things...

2007-05-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged by pretty in pink to reveal seven quirky things about myself.

1. If I am out and get food stuck in my teeth and I cannot pick it out and I have no floss on hand.... I will use a strand of hair to floss it out.....I am not the only one, Amy Grant does too. No one is ever going to talk to me or be my friend now....you're all totally grossed out. I can tell! (I have only done this a few times in my whole life)

2. I don't like to touch public doors, handrails or shopping carts. I do it anyway, but I don't touch my face till I've washed my hands. I love winter for the fact I can wear gloves, and get away with wearing them indoor shopping centres to touch things. We would also arrive 15 minutes late to church on Sundays so I didn't have to shake peoples hands. I am starting to sound like a freak aren't I ?!

3. I never sit on public toilets, and flush with my foot. Then open the door with paper towel.

4. I remember everything I see and am terrible with things I hear. I remember looking in the mirror on the first day of kindergarten and admiring my red velvet skirt and red and white striped sweater. I remember going to Bible conferences as a kid and everything that people wore. What any of the meetings were about, don't ask. I cannot remember a thing. Through elementary school I remember my teachers outfits, but math....only on my fingers.

5. When I blow my nose it sounds like a trumpet. I actually won contests in grade school, it is that loud!

6. I LOVE cold pizza for breakfast!!!

7. hmmm, you all think I am so weird now, and I have to yet come up with a seventh....well, I am left handed at everything except drawing with the mouse, has to be with my right hand. I am even left footed too.

OK so that sums up the quirky tag. Guess I now sit back and wait too see which of you still talk to me. I tag whoever reads this to reveal seven quirky things about themselves now.....you're it!

Interview by Dustanne

2007-05-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have been interviewed by Dustanne, so here goes...
1. Who is the person you admire most and why? Well that is a tough one, by person I am assuming you do not mean Jesus, though he is the one I most want to be like, so I will have to think about that one for a sec...I guess that I have never thought about this before. There are qualities in different people that I admire;
Dave's mom-she is a wicked cook,
Prettyinpink-her house is so clean,
SAJ-her blog is so pretty,
my mom-her faith is unshakable,
Rose-she gets her scrap booking done,
Mare-gets laundry done,
Katie-has awesome willpower,
my husband-amazing patience,
my kids-sense of innocent wonder,
Chuck-green thumb,
my dad-work ethic,
now I feel like I can't stop till I have named every one I know, But I cannot go on forever ( I really could), so even though I know I am forgetting some things, that is what I thought of off the top of my head.
2. You are given 5 choices and the choice you choose will be paid for. Do you choose - a new car, a new house, a vacation, to make a donation, or unlimited craft supplies? I want to say a house(we found freaky bugs coming out of the wall tonight, so a brand new super clean house would be great) off the top of my head but that is selfish, so my answer is make a donation. I would rather make a difference and know I did the right thing than have stuff and know I could have done something to help someone in need.
3. You and hubby are offered free babysitting but only for an hour, what do you do in that hour? (if your children are older, pretend they are young) Probably go out for a drink and wings and stare at each other and listen to silence, ah sweet silence. I think we might also sneak in a snuggle. ;)
4. Your family and in laws are coming over for dinner but your house is a disaster. Do you clean like crazy while trying to cook dinner? Cancel the whole thing? or Hire a maid and get take out? Clean like crazy and make supper. This is what I do every time I have company, it is the best motivator to get the house clean quickly! But sometimes they just have to eat in a mess, and sometimes they have to eat take-out in a mess.
5. You are reading a book and some 'racey' parts come up. Do you skip over it? Read it? or put the book down and not read it at all? Read it.
That sums it up, now if any one would like to be interviewed by moi, leave a comment and I shall come up with five questions for you.

Aaaaa....I need sleep!

2007-05-09T00:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am so tired! We are all sick here with colds and the kids are not sleeping well.
Kaitlyn has been having her naps in her toddler bed the last few days which is great.(a tiny step) Emily sleeps in it on sleepovers so K thinks it's Em's bed therefore it is cool and K wants to be cool like Em so...she wants to sleep there. Whew, that was a long winded windy one.
Last night was brutal, Kaitlyn nursed all night long and every time I broke the latch with her to feed Ethan she would holler and I would want to holler too. It seems when I nurse, even if I fall asleep doing it, it is tiring and draining, it is no wonder I woke up 5 lbs less today! (and exhausted to boot)

Keeping my fingers crossed!

2007-05-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today Kaitlyn is back in diapers. Yaaaa, I win....momentarily.
The whole potty training thing did not go well!! A lot of little messes around the house and no real progress, I think she is just too young and doesn't really care, I think the whole idea was such a novelty for her. Maybe it also had a bit to do with the fact I didn't really push it and she forgot about it...Maybe. I hope she stays in diapers a few more months anyway, I am just not ready! She hasn't even asked for her Dora pull-ups once today...and hasn't taken off her clothes. What a difference this makes on my day to not have to clean floors, carpets, tubs, clothes........uggg, clothes, there is that never ending pile of laundry beckoning me, begging me to be picked up off the hallway floor and be dragged downstairs to be washed. I wish I had a fairy-god laundry lady!!!!

Gotta keep that perspective!!!

2007-05-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since the last post, but that is bound to happen since it has been a few days. I have been taking a slight blogging break. Dave says I spend waaaay too much time blogging so I had to prove to him I didn't have to go online every few minutes...it is addictive! So instead I have been working on a banner for the Family McLean blog, it is taking forever and I am struggling with it since I am doing it in Photoshop and using my right hand to draw with the mouse. I tried to use my left had (since I am a south paw) but it felt odd, and my lines were way squigglier, so I guess I must be ambidextrous or something.

Anyway I must say that things are going well, I have been remembering to keep things in perspective and not let the 'poop' get to me.
Speaking of poop.......I think that I was just being prepared for what was to come that day K pooped on her carpet. The Lord really does try to prepare us, we just have to listen and hear the still small voice.....there will be more poop tomorrow, this is just to get your perspective figured out so you don't freak when it happens!

So the following day Ethan woke up early and K and I were still sleepy so I sat him up between K and I with a few toys to play while we dozed a bit. He fell over and started to fuss so I sat him up again and my hand came away covered in slimy poo. I quickly picked him up and he was covered up his back to his neck and the comforter was covered too! I rushed to get him cleaned up and soak the blanket...my favourite super splurge one. This'll teach me not to buy expensive stuff till the kids are grown!

Kaitlyn then woke up and I got her dressed. She proceeded to remove her close, say "pee" and trot off to the b-room. Yaa, I thought maybe she'll do better potty training today! I followed her to the potty where she stood, pooped on the rim, floor and her hand. Ugg!
Bathtime was in order, while I cleaned the floor, potty and then ran to grab babe #2 and finally get his new diaper put on.

This was interrupted by cries of "pee, poo" and off to the bathroom I ran leaving babe #2 with half a diaper put on, only to discover that babe #1 had pooped in the tub, and had it on her hands, smeared on the tub and was surrounded by little floaters.

Ewww, gotta keep that perspective!!!!!

So I cleaned the toys and tub and Kaitlyn, ran a fresh bath and plunked her in. I actually kept calm through the whole incident, sent up a few prayers, and plugged away.
Finally, back to finish Ethan's diaper change and proceed with the day...and make lunch since that was how long the morning dragged. Oh, and make coffee, aaaaaa!

I think that if I hadn't had the day I had the day before I would have fallen apart, but just remembering that this was only a little part of a huge picture and that poop happens and you clean it up and move on, and those little awesome redeeming moments are the ones that remind you what it's all about. The little messes that happen are just that, little messes, moments in time that we can hopefully someday look back on and have a good laugh. If that make any sense at all I don't know. I am not very good at expressing what I have in my head, but at least in makes sense to me in there!

I shoul learn how to spell 'site', no more of this 1am publishing!

2007-04-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

Progress....

2007-04-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

We're getting there....working with HTML is not fun. It is starting to shape up though thanks to some help from BeachMama and my handy hubby who got the banner up. It still needs a lot of work but it is something for now!

Bare with me.....

2007-04-26T13:54:00.000-07:00

I am messing around with backgrounds and am having some trouble, I know it is hard to read and I am working on fixing it, hopefully by tonight I will have it fixed. Sorry and good luck, you will probably be bug-eyed if you make it through the whole post!!!!!!!!

A little perspective goes a long way.

2007-04-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

Am I the only crazy mom out there whos kids are still up at this late hour?(11:42pm)
I for one like this time of night and find that my creativity peaks when most sane people go to bed. Dave is also a night hawk so it's no wonder we struggle to get our kids to bed at a decent hour. I usually try to have them down by 10:00 but sometimes there is no way! Tonight is no exception, a perfect cap to my harrowing, pulling hair out by the fistfull (considering shaving whats left)kind of day. I am exausted!

Ethan is nursing now and finally drifting off and Daddy is reading to Kaitlyn trying to wind her down enough to not jump on the bed. What a day this has been! It started off so badly and refused to get better till later afternoon and went down hill again after supper, both children were very needy and energetic today.

It is now 10 after 12 and both babies are now sleeping, Ethan in his crib and Kaitlyn in our bed. Ahhh, I can finally let my shoulders slump and exhale. These days are trying on Dave too and we get snappy at each other when we don't have enough time together.

Well I managed to get the poop out of the carpet, finally. It had to wait most of the day since I couldn't have the kids around the chemicals, but it is out. That wasn't the only oops today, only the first one. After her little poop, which she informed me of what she had done by running to me with outstretched hands, crying "poop, poop," with it smeared on her precious little finger tips. We cleaned her up and put her in her new 'underwear', which is actually Dora pull-up's (I tricked her into thinking they are big girl underwear) and she ran off to play.

About twenty minutes later she runs up "poop, poop." Again? Yup, I smell it. So off we go to change her 'underwear'. Now I had to pull down the pull-up with a load in it. This was a disaster and she ended up with poo all down her legs and on her feet. Bath time!

The rest of the day seemed almost smooth except for the fact that neither child would nap when I wanted and once Ethan was down for his, Kaitlyn would make some noise and get him going again, then it was a battle to try and calm both down.

I took them outside after lunch to see if they would calm down and it worked for a while. Kaitlyn got a trike last night and played on that for a few minutes then hung off my leg the remainder of our time out there. Then Ethan fussed and needed nursing and of course Kaitlyn fought him on it and wanted to nurse too. Today if seemed all she wanted was to nurse or hang off me, my shoulders actually are really sore.

Thank goodness Dave came home early and helped out in the afternoon. I was beat! There was more to the day, but to sum it up the kids were both in continuous need of attention and were very draining today, I am so tired and need to head to bed.

However there was a moment, the kind that sticks with you and you cherish, the kind that reminds you that it is worth it, the kind that God sends to give you that little bit of encouragement when you think you're about to crack, the kind that makes everything else fade away.

Right after supper Ethan was chillin in Daves arms smiling away at Katie (she stopped by for a few hours) and Kaitlyn disapeard to her room. After a while I decided to go see what she was up to and peeked around the door to her room. She was playing baby, trying to change the diaper on her doll, pretending to nurse, playing peek-a-boo and having a play nap with it. Humming a little and chatting a little pretending to be mommy. So humbling to watch. She made me cry, it was beautiful. She had no idea I was there and she busied herself as she sees me do.

I never realized she paid so much attention, but she notices every detail! It made me put my day back into perspective and see the bigger picture, this day is only like a moment, and every minute counts and I have to make sure that I don't get bogged down in the little things, like poop on the carpet or spilled juice or little puddles and bare bums.

This is a part of exploring their new world and I should try to make it fun and not get upset over the 'spilled milk'. There are much more important things to worry about, we are raising little humans, what a resposibility, and every action of ours is scrutinized by them and then mimicked. They want to be like us, the misserable failures that we are. It is just too much!
I have to remember to be a good example all the time, and not let a little poop ruin my day or cloud my vision. I have 2 wonderful, bright, usually cheerful babes to wake up to. I love them!

Is the Sith near by...

2007-04-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am on day two from the dark side! This is not going well!!! I am hating this potty training thing. This morning I am trying to work seedy green, ground in poop out of a white shag carpet. I must continue the fight, where are those Jedi's???

Help! My babe is potty training, I think.

2007-04-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

Am I missing something?! Are these signs or something?
Tonight as I was getting supper on the table Kaitlyn was playing quietly around the corner (that should have been my first signal) and so I let her be, it had only been about two minutes.
I peeked around the corner then to see what was going on and noticed her diaper on the floor and went to pick it up, slipping on something soft and gooey. Poop! All over my heel and in two little lumps on the floor. Kaitlyn sat in the hall with a pair of swimming pull-ups around her ankles, she had decided to change her own diaper. What am I supposed to be doing? Is this how she says "potty train me."? She certainly does let us know when she needs a change and even brings a diaper to be changed into.
This morning we had another incident, she kept saying "pee" and was hanging out in the bathroom so I took her clothes off and sat her on her potty and I sat on the big one. She then passed me a book grabbed one for herself, crossed her feet and looked at her book. "Yaa" I thought "she's gonna go." Then she stood up pulled apart her potty, wiped her bum and went over to the towel bar and stood there... peeing all over the floor, the plunger, a mirror and some plugs.
Why didn't she just go when she was on the potty, she knew exactly what she was doing! She seems to hate her potty and would rather pull it apart and use the bowl to put toys in or as a hat. I have read that potty training works best if you wait till the child is over the age of two, and I was planing to wait.
She has had moments where she wants to pee on the potty, but they have been few and far between, so I didn't push her.
Now I think she may be sending signals and I don't want to ignore them, but I am just not certain of exactly what I should be doing. Any advice out there?

-It is now 4 hours since I wrote the above. Since then Kaitlyn once again took off her pants and both diapers we put on her, (one was for insurance, we thought she might just take one off and not notice the other) no fooling that smarty pants! She put underwear on this time, for a few minutes then went bare bum. After about twenty minutes she pointed to herself and said "pee-peeee" so I whisked her off to her potty witch she promptly stood beside and peed. I praised her and gave high fives, at least we made it to the bathroom.
Now how do we get her to go in the potty? I've heard of the 'aiming at cheerios' method for boys, what about girls?

Finally...co-sleeping.

2007-04-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

First of all, I hate this picture of me, but I always hate pictures of me sleeping. This is how we sleep, all snuggled up in our now way too small queen sized bed, and I wouldn't give it up for the world! I get a lot of flack for doing this but it seems to work the best for us.

Before Kaitlyn was born I had absolutely no intentions of having her sleep with us, but that first night in the hospital I just couldn't put her down, I was so in love with her! Once home I tried to put her in the bassinet but just wanted to hold her. Then we found out that she was jaundiced and were told to feed her every 2 hours, so I brought her into bed with us. I just loved holding her, spooned in tight close to my body. Dave would take turns with her sleeping on his chest and loved that too. At that time we planned (I say 'we' loosely because it really was me) to put her in her own bed by 3 months, then it was 6 months, then 9, then 12.....now by age 2. Every time I would put her in her own bed, turn on the baby monitor and go to bed I would lay there listening like crazy making sure I could hear her breathing. Then I would swear I could hear all kinds of other things (ghosts, the house and her toys coming alive) over the monitor and my imagination would go wild! She would make the slightest peep and I would run in to make sure she was ok. I slept less and she did too, so I brought her back to bed with us. I have friends that were at the time doing the cry out method according to the 'Happy sleep, Healthy child' book and were pushing that I give it a try. I caved and we tried it out. Huge mistake!!! After crying for over half an hour I could hardly bear it and she was not doing well, her breathing sounded tight. We went in held her, tried to comfort her and calm her down. She was so worked up she wouldn't even nurse. We tried everything and after 3 hours of wailing, she was hyperventilating and we headed for the hospital. Once there she calmed down and we had a chat with the doc's. They said there are different types of babies and their personalities vary like adults do. There is no one thing that will work for every baby and you have to feel it out and do what works best for you and baby. Ah, music to my ears. I then stared to do some reading up on baby sleep and found out that in most parts of the world babies sleep with their parents and that putting a baby in a crib in another room is a modern western European/American tradition. Babies who sleep with the parents (in the sames room even) were more rested and better natured than those who didn't. As for long term effects, kids turned out about the same, so it is just what works best at the time. We decided to test this theory. So when Ethan was born we planned to put him in the bassinet next to the bed. Turns out he was such a noisy sleeper none of us were getting any rest. We moved him to the baby room and turned on the monitor, and again I heard creepy noises and layed there staring at the ceiling all night listening. The next day I was exhausted so we had to find a solution. We headed to Toys R Us and bought a $%^* expensive video monitor. Aaaaah, peace, I could now watch and listen, it was perfect! We all were sleeping much better. Kaitlyn was still with us, and quite happy and Ethan seemed to really like it on his own. (so much for that theory) turns out this is what was best for us and was working. Then...Ethan started to teeth, waking hourly howling mad. After a few sleepless nights in the rocker, drifting off now and then and waking with a kink in my neck I brought him to bed with us. This is what works for us now. It is rather squishy, but we all sleep! Dave and I both look forward to having our bed back someday, but right now waking up to their cheery little faces is the best thing in the world!

New Resolve and 10 step plan

2007-04-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

I am on day three and step 4 of my new 10 step plan new resolve to keep the house clean. It took two days, Dave taking the kids for long walks and four hours of crazy work like mad cleaning. Every nook and cranny of the living/dining room front hall and kitchen have been cleaned, dusted, sorted and washed. What an amazing feeling and the hubby is happy! I finally got stuff put away that has been sitting around since we moved in, the space feels so much bigger!

I still have to go through the bedrooms and sort clothes, get rid of a bunch, and tidy up. Getting rid of clothes, especially the kids is not something I am ready to do just yet, I might need them again someday. At least right now that is my excuse.

So I have been picking up as I go along, which sometimes I really don't want to do and think 'I'll come back to that in a few minutes', but I now I really won't so I am forcing my self to do it as I go. I hope it becomes second nature really quickly because right now it's hard and sometimes I just want to sit down and pretend I don't have to do it.

I am now sitting here blogging feeling almost guilt free, I know there is still laundry to be done, but there always is. It is like a burden has been lifted, well partially anyway, and my mind has some creative space to play, no longer crowded by clutter distracting and nagging me. I still have another 6 steps to go before I am completely free, but I understand they are steps and progress is progress. Right!? I hope I can keep this up and now that I have shared it and people know about my struggle I hope this helps me to be more accountable. I should go now and work on the next step while both babies are napping (a rare occurrence when they do it together). I usually try to take advantage of their naps and sneak one in of my own but I chugged coffee today so I will survive!

Dave and I made a pact that he take the kids for regular walks sans me so I can get this house work done without taking time away from them. Hope this keeps working!

This is what it should always look like, ahh, uncluttered space!

Domestic Diva dream

2007-04-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

I said the next post would be about co-sleeping but, well this is what is on my mind today, so I'll let the co-sleeping one brew for a bit.
I know I should be doing laundry (the piles are never ending) or dishes, or sweeping, or cleaning, why does it seem I never get caught up? I guess it's because I never do catch up! I would rather play with the kids or blog or anything else my scatterbrained mind can get distracted by. Oh, I want to be a domestic diva in the worst way, I just don't even know where to start or how to keep it up. I skip from one thing to the next and start a million projects and never complete any of them. This drives Dave crazy! He likes order and every thing in its place. I do to but I just can't seem to keep it that way. The days that I do manage to get the house straightened up and dinner on the table and the kids are bathed and smelling good...are the best days. I feel like I have accomplished something and when Dave walks through the door he is happy, despite how his day has gone. Oh I wish, wish, wish I could do it every day! However by the next day there is more play-dough ground into the carpet, dishes piled up, laundry creeping up to my eye-balls and I feel like I am back in that hole! If only the house could keep itself clean, or the kids would take naps together every day. If I did work my butt off every minute of every day I know I could keep up on it, but I feel I would be letting my kids suffer and I would never get that creative release I so need to stay sane. So my house suffers and is rarely tidy, but (I hope) my kids are well adjusted and happy. When they are grown and out of the house I will have all the time I need to clean and won't look back and wish I had spent more time with my kids. As much as I love a clean house I love happy babies more!

Here goes...warning...breast-feeding vent.

2007-04-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

I decided I wanted a place I could vent or just air whatever is going on in my head, how regularly I do this is yet to be seen. I find I often want to say things on my main blog but I know that may of my readers (especially the grandpas) wouldn't like to read it nor would I want them to. This way those of you who want to know my ramblings from a mommy point of view can read here.

So .... there have been a few things lately that have been on my mind, brought to my attention via other blogs and e-mails, so I thought I would share my point of view. You may change your view of me or decide I am crazy, for those of you who love me anyway,,,thank you, this is me!

Breast-feeding,
yes I still breast feed both babies. People ask all the time and make comments about this but it is decision I have made and am quite happy about it. We have had a few rough patches over the last 20 months. When I hit my second trimester with Ethan, Kaitlyn was only 6 months old and didn't take a bottle ( we pushed and pushed it regularly to no avail) and my milk turned back to colostrum. She starved for a month and 2 days, sipping bits of water here and there to keep herself alive. I was afraid for her life and we saw doctors and nurses every few days. They kept telling me that a baby will not let itself starve and after 2 weeks will take a bottle. Kaitlyn was stubborn and pushed the limits, she lost weight, became listless and no longer had regular poops or pees, I was freaking out! She would try to nurse every 30 minutes around the clock, and would cry and cry, this was a horrible time for us and I cried along with her. When she finally came to terms with her willpower and took the bottle we were all so happy! We came so close to loosing her (or so I thought) I just couldn't understand how the health professionals didn't take it more seriously!
Once Ethan was born and I was nursing him in the hospital Kaitlyn took her bottle threw it, climbed up on the bed and tried to push Ethan out of her way, she wanted to nurse again. I hadn't planned on this but found that it was precious time just for the two of us, when she could have me all to herself. So still to this day I am nursing both of them, usually taking turns, though there are times I have nursed both of them at the same time, so back-breaking!
When it comes to supply I have been blessed with more milk than both of them could ever finish and they are little chubs. However just over a week ago I got Mastitis, and that awful engorged feeling was there, I hadn't had that for 6 month! I thought I was coming down with a flu bug, had a killer headache, was light sensitive and achy, I had a sore boob but thought it was just tired(sometimes they get sore and tired). By the time I went to bed I had the chills and was quivering so I took 2 Tylenol and hit the sack. The next morning I still had a sore boob and it felt hot and hard, that was when I realized I had to get to the doc asap. I got the meds and am fine now, we caught it in time! Other than that I have been very lucky and had no other complications. Now I just have to decide when it's time to ween, I think soon, definitely by K's second b-day.

Ok, thats a start, next up for topics is co-sleeping, I have had a lot of flack and some support over this one...and well a lot of debates, seems to be a hot, really hot topic out there right now.