Monday, May 28, 2007

Part #3 of the mommy rant.

Such a great point PIP! The social side is so important too. I hope that I get my kids out on playdates enough that they are not behind when it comes to their social lives. I know Kaitlyn hangs with her Auntie Em enough that I am not worried. The independent skill is something I am not worried about, I think that it is something that will develop when it needs to. I developed mine when I went to kindergarten and it only took a day. My sister Em was home schooled so it was longer for her but at the age of six she broke out of that safe little bubble and is as interactive as the next kid. It was just her time and she wasn't forced into it because society said she needed to do it at a certain age.

I have heard that the social and independent skills need to be developed at a young age or the part of the brain that hold those functions loses it's connection and it is too late. What that age is I am not sure, I have heard age 3 as well as 7-9, so if someone knows for sure I would love it if you could let me know!

Emotional growth and development is the most important in the first two years says the author of the book Why Love Matters and this opens the pathways for proper development socially.

Ack, How are my kids ever going to survive! I love hearing what you all think , it keeps my mind going and helps me to see the broader picture. Seeing things from new angles is great! Thank you for the awesome comments!!! Keep it up.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Battle in my mind, SAHM vs. Career mom

This post will drag, it has been heavy on my heart and I feel I just didn't say it all in the last post. I am a very passionate person so this is an emotional write for me. First off I want to say to all my friends who chose to work with their kids in a child-care of one type or another, that I still love you and I know that the decisions that you made were well thought out and are what works best for you. I still love you and do not judge you, I respect your decisions. goes again... I have been thinking about this job I now have as a professional stay at home mom and the more thougt I have put into it the more important I have realized it is. In Ann's comment on the last post she mentioned that some moms just aren't cut out to be SAHM's. I do agree, absolutely!!! When there is alcohol abuse, physical abuse, drug abuse, or other forms of abuse or neglect in the home it is definitely better for the child to be elsewhere. But I still feel very strongly that in most cases it is better for the child if the mother(of father) is at home.
When I was a kid I grew up next to a daycare and the owner was a great lady, I loved to go over there and play with the kids. However, every morning there were kids crying for their mom's when dropped off and they would cry when it was time to leave because they wanted to stay.

Over the last few years I have been paying huge attention to the behavioral differences in children in day-care and those at home. My general observation (of course there are exceptions) is that the children that are in day-care are rowdier, louder and rougher, more demanding and fussier than those at home with their mom's day to day.
I have heard mom's say that it is the quality over quantity and it is making the most of the time you have with your child. However, a child does not understand that concept. They understand when their mom is there and when she is not.

Danielle Crittenden makes an excellent observation in What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us — that quality time with kids can’t be scheduled into a day.
Children want a mother’s presence, the knowledge that she will be there when they have a question or a story to tell — but quite often they simply want her to do her own work while they color and play with pals. And those memorable times — their first steps and words, their profound utterances of child wisdom, the moments of belly laughing together — happen at the most unexpected times during day-in, day-out living. The chances are much higher that a mother will miss out on them if she is working outside the home.

A mother's life is about sacrifices, giving up certain things for the sake of greater long—term benefits. Sacrificing what you want to do for yourself to be a mom to your children is hard but the rewards are huge. I know there could be times of financial strain in my marriage. I know I might encounter tension with the majority of my married female peers because of my choice to stay at home. I’m not saying that I’m going to derive pleasure from changing diapers and cleaning up puddles but I know that I am a huge part of my children's lives and it is a small stage so I try to enjoy every part of it. I will probably miss those little things someday. It is only by sacrifice that we understand what true love, commitment and maturity really mean. Being a mother forces you to look outside yourself to the needs of others.

I want my children to know that they are as important to me as a career and put them first rather than the career, which can wait till they are in school or grown. I would be selfish to leave them to be raised by a system for my own self gratification.

I do think that a nanny or day home are better than a day care centre, but none of them replace a mommy. It all comes down to who you want to raise your kids and who you want to be there for them when they experience all the little day to day things that help them grow.
I want my children to reap the benefits of having a full-time mom, one who is available for conversation, hugs and laughs and cries any time of day.
I want to give that gift to my children. If it means I don't get to drive a loaded pearl finish with the gold package Lincoln Navigator(drool) but instead my 7 yr old Durango and shop at thrift stores and Walmart for the next 5-10yrs, so be it. Children don't know the difference between Goodwill and GUESS. I certainly didn't. If those are some of the small sacrifices I have to make to stay home with my kids they are totally worth it!!!!

Now the big question is, do all these children turn out the same in the end once they are grown, or is that even a factor? Is it the here and now and living in the moment with your child that matters? What is the outcome? Am I way out of line in how I see this? Do Dr.Phil, Dr. Dobson and other conservative family psycologists have it all wrong when they say a mommy at home is best?
I really would like to see this whole thing through the eyes of a working mom and see how she thinks it affects her child and their growth and development.
I know I rambled on again. So ya, I am guessing I have formed even more enemies, I really am puting it all out ther aren't I!? Remember theses are just my opinions.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Work to mothering, a rant rose out of this.

Warning, you may hate me by he time you finnish this, but I had to get it off my chest.

Sometimes I really miss work. I miss seeing new faces every day. I miss Scott pestering me and Ryan's debates. I miss breathing down Scott's neck as I inspected his work and watching him get so good at his job that he now is probably better than I was. I miss sitting by the big window eating my lunch watching people in the parking lot and ranting at the Soccer Maniac below us. I miss working with Alicia cuz she giggled all the time and kept us all cheerful and Ann, she made yummy treats. I even miss that horribly annoying garbage bag sales rep who never seemed to know when to leave. I also miss the work, I really loved what I did, there were new challenges every day and that kept it interesting, even the days I had to solder over and over, I actually kinda miss them. I do have to say however I do not miss the dentists! I will leave it at that.

The days that were slow in the summer and we made jewelry rather than teeth were fun and lazy and we usually got to go home around noon. It there were a trophy for the best employer I would give it to Ryan in a heart beat, he was always sensitive to the little peoples (me) needs and he payed really well!!! He encouraged when the days were rough and praised when they were great, bought lunches just because and had BBQ's to show us he appreciated us. I could go on and on...did you know I made Dave's wedding band there? I did, and it is made with palladium dental grade alloy. So when he lost it those two times you can understand how we were freaking out!

Anyway as much as I miss work I wouldn't trade it for even a day. I have horrible days here and I long for simple times (like at the lab) but when it comes down to it this is where I am meant to be. This being a stay at home mommy for my two little weeds is my job now and even thought the pay is nonexistent and the hours are seriously crummy and coffee breaks don't ever happen, the rewards are priceless and more fulfilling than having a 10 unit bridge fit on the first try. Let me tell you that is impressive!! Knowing that I am responsible for the growth and nurturing of these wee ones is a huge and somewhat overwhelming thought, but this is the path we've chosen and I hope and pray that I can live up to my expectations as a mother and turn out decent children. Some days I think it would be so much easier to have gone back to work and put the kids in a daycare, actually I know that that is the easy way, except for the heart strings. For those moms who want to be home but have no choice but to work to keep alive my hat is off to you! For those of you moms who go back to work to support a life style, your kids well being is more important than money. Downsize and be there for your kids, you only have to take a few years off and next thing you know they will be in school and you can go back to work.

Those first few years are the most pivotal in your child's life and they are soaking everything up like a sponge. Either it is you who they learn from or a stranger. If you have family help with your child I would say it is the same as you doing it if they have the same values as you. But having a daycare raise your child when you could be there, you will miss so much and a daycare worker will be forming the character foundation for your child.
Don't miss the first few years, the most formative years with your child for cash. Be there instead! It is hard and you will wish you could take even one 15 minute break a day or buy those super hot chic shoes, but the 'pay' is so much better and hot shoes can wait!!!

Once again for those moms who have no choice but to work, I admire you and hope if I ever am in that situation I am strong enough to pull through. My heart would break but there must be food on the table at the end of the day.

OK my rant is done, if you made it this far and still like me you are a true friend. If you hate me I understand, I expected to make a few enemies. Anyway, these are just my opinions, please don't take offence, I still like all of you.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

A big step!!!

OK so nobody played along, I can cope, pout.
On with the next post.
Big news!!! Kaitlyn has been sleeping on her own the last couple of weeks now. It is strange and I didn't expect it at all, but I have heard that kids that co-sleep will eventually make the change to their own bed when they are ready. If you push it it could be a nightmare, so I was planning to try a slow adaption, a few hours at a time till she was ready. Turns out that one night she decided she was a big girl and that was it.
I think it also really helped that when Emily sleeps over she sleeps in Kaitlyn's bed and so to Kaitlyn it is so cool since the coolest chic in the world sleeps there. So every night and for every nap its "Emily, Emily, bed, Emily" and off she goes with her "bankt" to have "nurse, num, nite-nite." She still wakes a few times through the night and wants to nurse, so I lay with her on her bed and nurse or cuddle till she drifts off again.
The only problem so far has been that she is waking up at 5:30 every morning because the sunlight is streaming though her window. Blackout blinds are a must! I end up hauling her into our bed then and she is yelling "no, Emily, Emily" because she doesn't want to leave her room. But I am too tired so I nurse and cuddle her back to sleep for a few hours in our bed. I am loving the space I now get to stretch out into but I do miss cuddling all night. I do have little "Eth" in our bed still and I cuddle him, but now I don't have one on either side, well I guess I have one little one and one really big one, wink, wink.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I'm Sanguine, what are you?

I took a personality test recommended by Superbeck, check out the results here and then take it yourself. Once you have taken it leave a comment and link to let me know so I can see your personality too. Tee, hee it is a fun way to get to know your friends better. Just focus on the strengths and don't read the weaknesses.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Seven quirky things...

I have been tagged by pretty in pink to reveal seven quirky things about myself.

1. If I am out and get food stuck in my teeth and I cannot pick it out and I have no floss on hand.... I will use a strand of hair to floss it out.....I am not the only one, Amy Grant does too. No one is ever going to talk to me or be my friend're all totally grossed out. I can tell! (I have only done this a few times in my whole life)

2. I don't like to touch public doors, handrails or shopping carts. I do it anyway, but I don't touch my face till I've washed my hands. I love winter for the fact I can wear gloves, and get away with wearing them indoor shopping centres to touch things. We would also arrive 15 minutes late to church on Sundays so I didn't have to shake peoples hands. I am starting to sound like a freak aren't I ?!

3. I never sit on public toilets, and flush with my foot. Then open the door with paper towel.

4. I remember everything I see and am terrible with things I hear. I remember looking in the mirror on the first day of kindergarten and admiring my red velvet skirt and red and white striped sweater. I remember going to Bible conferences as a kid and everything that people wore. What any of the meetings were about, don't ask. I cannot remember a thing. Through elementary school I remember my teachers outfits, but math....only on my fingers.

5. When I blow my nose it sounds like a trumpet. I actually won contests in grade school, it is that loud!

6. I LOVE cold pizza for breakfast!!!

7. hmmm, you all think I am so weird now, and I have to yet come up with a seventh....well, I am left handed at everything except drawing with the mouse, has to be with my right hand. I am even left footed too.

OK so that sums up the quirky tag. Guess I now sit back and wait too see which of you still talk to me. I tag whoever reads this to reveal seven quirky things about themselves're it!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Interview by Dustanne

I have been interviewed by Dustanne, so here goes...
1. Who is the person you admire most and why? Well that is a tough one, by person I am assuming you do not mean Jesus, though he is the one I most want to be like, so I will have to think about that one for a sec...I guess that I have never thought about this before. There are qualities in different people that I admire;
Dave's mom-she is a wicked cook,
Prettyinpink-her house is so clean,
SAJ-her blog is so pretty,
my mom-her faith is unshakable,
Rose-she gets her scrap booking done,
Mare-gets laundry done,
Katie-has awesome willpower,
my husband-amazing patience,
my kids-sense of innocent wonder,
Chuck-green thumb,
my dad-work ethic,
now I feel like I can't stop till I have named every one I know, But I cannot go on forever ( I really could), so even though I know I am forgetting some things, that is what I thought of off the top of my head.
2. You are given 5 choices and the choice you choose will be paid for. Do you choose - a new car, a new house, a vacation, to make a donation, or unlimited craft supplies? I want to say a house(we found freaky bugs coming out of the wall tonight, so a brand new super clean house would be great) off the top of my head but that is selfish, so my answer is make a donation. I would rather make a difference and know I did the right thing than have stuff and know I could have done something to help someone in need.
3. You and hubby are offered free babysitting but only for an hour, what do you do in that hour? (if your children are older, pretend they are young) Probably go out for a drink and wings and stare at each other and listen to silence, ah sweet silence. I think we might also sneak in a snuggle. ;)
4. Your family and in laws are coming over for dinner but your house is a disaster. Do you clean like crazy while trying to cook dinner? Cancel the whole thing? or Hire a maid and get take out? Clean like crazy and make supper. This is what I do every time I have company, it is the best motivator to get the house clean quickly! But sometimes they just have to eat in a mess, and sometimes they have to eat take-out in a mess.
5. You are reading a book and some 'racey' parts come up. Do you skip over it? Read it? or put the book down and not read it at all? Read it.
That sums it up, now if any one would like to be interviewed by moi, leave a comment and I shall come up with five questions for you.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Aaaaa....I need sleep!

Sometimes I am so tired! We are all sick here with colds and the kids are not sleeping well.
Kaitlyn has been having her naps in her toddler bed the last few days which is great.(a tiny step) Emily sleeps in it on sleepovers so K thinks it's Em's bed therefore it is cool and K wants to be cool like Em so...she wants to sleep there. Whew, that was a long winded windy one.
Last night was brutal, Kaitlyn nursed all night long and every time I broke the latch with her to feed Ethan she would holler and I would want to holler too. It seems when I nurse, even if I fall asleep doing it, it is tiring and draining, it is no wonder I woke up 5 lbs less today! (and exhausted to boot)

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Keeping my fingers crossed!

Today Kaitlyn is back in diapers. Yaaaa, I win....momentarily.
The whole potty training thing did not go well!! A lot of little messes around the house and no real progress, I think she is just too young and doesn't really care, I think the whole idea was such a novelty for her. Maybe it also had a bit to do with the fact I didn't really push it and she forgot about it...Maybe. I hope she stays in diapers a few more months anyway, I am just not ready! She hasn't even asked for her Dora pull-ups once today...and hasn't taken off her clothes. What a difference this makes on my day to not have to clean floors, carpets, tubs, clothes........uggg, clothes, there is that never ending pile of laundry beckoning me, begging me to be picked up off the hallway floor and be dragged downstairs to be washed. I wish I had a fairy-god laundry lady!!!!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Gotta keep that perspective!!!

So much has happened since the last post, but that is bound to happen since it has been a few days. I have been taking a slight blogging break. Dave says I spend waaaay too much time blogging so I had to prove to him I didn't have to go online every few is addictive! So instead I have been working on a banner for the Family McLean blog, it is taking forever and I am struggling with it since I am doing it in Photoshop and using my right hand to draw with the mouse. I tried to use my left had (since I am a south paw) but it felt odd, and my lines were way squigglier, so I guess I must be ambidextrous or something.

Anyway I must say that things are going well, I have been remembering to keep things in perspective and not let the 'poop' get to me.
Speaking of poop.......I think that I was just being prepared for what was to come that day K pooped on her carpet. The Lord really does try to prepare us, we just have to listen and hear the still small voice.....there will be more poop tomorrow, this is just to get your perspective figured out so you don't freak when it happens!

So the following day Ethan woke up early and K and I were still sleepy so I sat him up between K and I with a few toys to play while we dozed a bit. He fell over and started to fuss so I sat him up again and my hand came away covered in slimy poo. I quickly picked him up and he was covered up his back to his neck and the comforter was covered too! I rushed to get him cleaned up and soak the favourite super splurge one. This'll teach me not to buy expensive stuff till the kids are grown!

Kaitlyn then woke up and I got her dressed. She proceeded to remove her close, say "pee" and trot off to the b-room. Yaa, I thought maybe she'll do better potty training today! I followed her to the potty where she stood, pooped on the rim, floor and her hand. Ugg!
Bathtime was in order, while I cleaned the floor, potty and then ran to grab babe #2 and finally get his new diaper put on.

This was interrupted by cries of "pee, poo" and off to the bathroom I ran leaving babe #2 with half a diaper put on, only to discover that babe #1 had pooped in the tub, and had it on her hands, smeared on the tub and was surrounded by little floaters.

Ewww, gotta keep that perspective!!!!!

So I cleaned the toys and tub and Kaitlyn, ran a fresh bath and plunked her in. I actually kept calm through the whole incident, sent up a few prayers, and plugged away.
Finally, back to finish Ethan's diaper change and proceed with the day...and make lunch since that was how long the morning dragged. Oh, and make coffee, aaaaaa!

I think that if I hadn't had the day I had the day before I would have fallen apart, but just remembering that this was only a little part of a huge picture and that poop happens and you clean it up and move on, and those little awesome redeeming moments are the ones that remind you what it's all about. The little messes that happen are just that, little messes, moments in time that we can hopefully someday look back on and have a good laugh. If that make any sense at all I don't know. I am not very good at expressing what I have in my head, but at least in makes sense to me in there!